Owning up to me.

Last night I was curled up on the bed of one of my dearest friends. We were talking about a lot of things, some heavy with the weight of reality, others light with joy and laughter. Topics varied, but I’m sure most people my age talk about these things. By the time our visit came to an end it was one in the morning and I needed to go to sleep. The thing is I couldn’t sleep. For some reason my thoughts just wouldn’t stop. I thought about things that I allow to hold me back from doing things, how no matter what words I type I always let fear dictate to me how I’m going to live. I thought of the past that I’m forever bound to and I thought about how one day I’m going to answer for a few things that the past holds. I thought about the questions I can’t seem to get answer to, and about how I really needed to learn to control my thoughts. All my flaws and sins came to visit me and I had to wonder what God ever really saw in me in the first place. 

About 20 some hours later I’m cleaning my bathroom, thinking, and putting off my homework. I’ve had a pre-thanksgiving dinner with my friends (college style), I’ve found my mom a gift that should cheer her up (times maybe hard but I’ll always try to make her smile), and I’m looking forward to the coming weeks that are going to be crazy and yet filled with fun. I see my future a little clearer, there are some bumps in the road and there are problems I face, but I’ve nowhere to go but up. So from all the jumbled up stuff I just wrote here’s what I want to own up to about myself:

1.       I don’t think like everyone else.

2.       My thoughts are sometimes not very logical and occasionally make no sense.

3.       I feel dumb at chess

4.       I really need to finish some books I’ve started reading.

5.       I may audit math….

6.       I need to stop gossiping.

7.       I need to stop procrastinating

8.       I’m afraid to date.

9.       I need to edit and post a ton of pics.

10.   I’m afraid because my grandparents are getting older and they aren’t like they used to be.

11.   I’m tired of remembering the bad; I want to remember the good.

12.   I want to stop being afraid to talk to people

13.   I want to learn to be a good/ different journalist.

14.   But I think I may want to do PR.

15.   I can’t wait to see what God has planned for Restoration.

16.   I am so grateful for that moment when one of my friends and I were talking about our crazy families and I confided in my fear of being alone and she told me that I’m a little too awesome for that to happen.

17.   I want to know what it is God wants me to do with my life.

18.   I want to be hugged.

19.   I’m so amazed by God and how he can create beautiful life and how he can bless some of the kindest people with it.

20.   I really need to get rid of my grammar errors!!