Best Buy, Wrong guy, still single!

Disclaimer: No one was hurt in the making of this Blog post- pride was damaged on both sides, but it will survive. If you find any Grammar errors please forgive, I’m the e.e. cummings of journalism/blogging/writing, a rebel with a dysfunctional spell check….

I’m 20 years old. Yea that’s right I’ve been living and surviving 7300 days and I’ve never dated or had a boyfriend. Oh sure there was that one time when I was 16 when I found myself seated across from a guy I was being given attention by, it was ok, if by ok you mean the fact he was a year younger than myself and his “Ex-girlfriend” joined us like 3 minutes later for lunch (I’d prefer if we just called that my most awkward moment of existence, if you don’t mind) so for all intents and purposes I’ve never dated or been in a relationship. This is a fact that has been my confidences’ murder for many years. My pillow has collect many tears of my lonely state. I couldn’t get guys to open doors for me or treat me like a human being much less talk to me, or better still love me. I used to Hide in my room, not wanting to go out for Friday night dinner with my family for fear of having to put up with the sight of young people on dates. The worst part is that my sister has this super-human ability to walk into a store to get a gallon of milk and a loaf of bread, and walk out with all that plus a doting boyfriend….. My Besties would declare whom ever had the luck to marry me would never have a dull moment and that I would have a very interesting family, my college “Kids” would look at me and tell me I would be the woman that would find the best husband among us who would really love me for me. I always told myself that by the end of my freshman year of college I would go out on a date and have a boyfriend, but yet at the beginning of my freshman year I discovered that most of the college age guys I was around never actually left high school and those that had well they were the epic guys that already had epic girls. My year passed by with the occasional reminder of my singleness, my dear friends would patiently put up with the tears that followed and gently reminded me my day would come, one day one week before finals I thought my day had come.

 I was hunting for my dream camera at the local Best Buy, very proud of myself for driving the speed limit for once and for running errands at a normal rate, proud because I would be back at school before my friends where any wiser. He was trying to figure out what an external hard drive was and why on earth you would have to back your computer up. The store clerk was talking up pixels to me, when he bumped into me (literally). I dropped the notebook I was writing in and he dropped the small external drive he was carrying. I caught the drive, my notebook fell to the floor and my newspaper clipping of epic articles (and one or two of my own) scattered a few feet. I prepared myself for the appropriate “excuse me” and started to pick up my notebook and its contents, I almost had it all when I noticed I was missing one of my own I juggle the drive and my notebook looking around and find the guy to be reading a section of it. I stared bewildered at him as he chuckled at my work, “not a fan of grammar, I see”. I immediately jump to my defensive side and reach out of my clipping “I prefer to think of myself as a modern e.e comings of journalism”. H e then looks up from my clipping, unfolds it and sees the picture of me at the top. An apologetic look crossed his face and I just smiled. “One day I’ll be married to the correct form of grammar, but for now I’m a rebel without spell check”. Then for the first time in all my years of communicating with guys I just “clicked” with him, it wasn’t planned and I didn’t have to be anyone but myself. We walked a block to Starbucks, he ordered his addiction and I ordered mine. Minutes later we were swapping the usual chit chat, making sure the person sitting across from us wasn’t on America’s Most Wanted. Seconds turn to minutes and those turned into 1 hour and 15 minutes.

 I later found myself driving back to school, one more number in my cell and a smile that just couldn’t go away. We didn’t stop texting for days, swapping stories and quotes. It was nice getting to know someone who was my actual age, whose unstalker-ness I could confirm with friends of friends. I decided not to tell my friends or my family. This was something nice that I achieved without anyone’s help and I didn’t want him to turn out to be a dud before I gave him the Bestie’s test. One day out of the blue he asks me out, on a pre-date of sorts. Anywhere I wanted to go. This was a huge step for me . I sat for hours thinking about it. I then decided that we would have our “pre-date” in the town my college was located, I wanted to be smart about it (after all I had just met the guy), so I arranged for a friend to come and sit in the same Café we would be eating at, and at any moment if I gave her the signal she would give me the escape call. The day came and I found myself almost telling my friends at lunch I pushed my food around the plate and one of my friends almost had it all figured out, but then they were distracted by a batman discussion.

The Pre-date was going pretty good until we got to the discussion of our hopes and dreams; his were simple and had been figured out for him by his parents. He had his whole life mapped out on dollar signs, I wasn’t too disappointed, I had met people like this before, they would eventually do what they wanted so I just let it go. But then the discussion turned to my hopes and dreams. I told him all about it, how I wanted to work hard and have this simple yet epic life, how I was wanted to be a PR woman, that I loved photography and fashion. That I loved journalism and dreamt of days were I could work to achieve my purpose in life, I talked about the hurdles I faced and how I knew that after a ton of hard work and some heartbreak I knew I could achieve my dreams. To which this guy laughs… at me… in my face. He laughed because girls like me didn’t become PR women, we didn’t do Epic anything and the fashion we so loved we would never be able to fit in. He smile sweetly and labeled me a dreamer, then informed me that nursing was the fastest growing career in America…He then discussed our “Budding relationship” how he felt like I was a sweet girl and he felt like since we hit it off so well we would be great together, after I got over my silliness.  I sat in under shock, too shocked to give the signal, I had this date thing mapped out a million ways(I was ready for him to have taken me out on a bet), but had never charted this. He goes on rambling and I lose myself in thoughts wondering how on earth I could have missed his biggest flaw…he was the predictable jerk. I then scalded myself a bit because that’s really harsh, to call a guy who is my brother is Christ a jerk that is until he made the statement that he was “the best I can do”. That was the straw that broke the camel’s back. I picked up my purse tossed some money on the table and stood and for the first time in my entire life I stood before someone and stood up for myself in a way that I was proud of. I looked him straight in the eyes and spoke as clearly as I could.

“You’re not the best I can do; the best I can do is someone that respects me as a person. Someone who respects me as an individual who is trying to be fully realized, I’m a person with hopes and dreams that I won’t stop achieving just because you say it’s silly, you think this country was created on rational thoughts or a rebellion of the norm? You will not change me or my beliefs, and if you are truly the best I can do then I don’t want it!”

I walked out and my friend followed. She commented on my failed attempt at a Hollywood moment and I asked her to remind me of this day if I ever try to give up. She hugged me tried to bring me comfort, we watched him leave and just as he was out of sight I thanked her for her “Rescue Services”. We joke around and she checks on me one more time before she headed home.

A few days after this, I found myself sitting on the bed of another friend who I have amazing “God talks” with, pouring my heart out about my disgruntled feelings of love. I still hadn’t told anyone (including her), I didn’t want to tell my friends because it all fell apart and they would take offense by all of it (the best intentions are the ones that will get you). They were all so happy with their boyfriends (and even my SINGLEST friend found herself booked one summer night) I didn’t want to go to them and say that I failed to get to where they were. That night I spoke words to that wise friend of my fears of being single, I spoke of it as though it were a punishment, we talk through it for a long while and I walked away thinking that maybe being single wasn’t quite the punishment I made it out to be. I wish I had some epic tagline for my thoughts but it’s just like this.

Each of us have our own love story, some of us won’t have a significant other. But we all have God, he loves us more than anything and he has proven this in many ways and continues to prove it. For right now, I’m going to stop working on my relationship Status on FACEBOOK and start working on that relationship with God. As for my Best buy-wrong guy, he ran back to T-Town and declared me crazy to our mutual friends one of which having heard his side stated that “he just didn’t have any Super Rareness”

I’m 20 years old, I’ve lived a bunch of days and for one of the first of those days I’m happily single…….