I'm Letting Go!

I was cruising through TUMBLR one afternoon when I stumbled on a pictured that had a revering for days. It was an AD for ROXY and it was of these two girls in the back seat of a car just riding down the road being free. That picture spoke about a million words to me. I was jealous of those girls and their freedom. I Wanted so bad to be in the car going nowhere or anywhere, I wanted to tell my problems “See ya!” and catch the next flight to Timbuktu. Between classes and life itself I just wanted to escape. It felt like I was neck deep in problems and there was no way out. Then the next thing I know its spring break!

I had no formal plans of any kind except the promise I made myself as I was driving my roommate to the airport, that I would get some much needed rest and that I would spent some time reflecting on me and my life. The first few day where spent sleeping, then I came face to face with my problems. I didn’t know what to do, it seems like they would never end, the main thing is I can’t control people no matter how well intended I mean things to be. So instead of fretting over these things I put them on the back burner. Things got interesting after that. I found myself painting and making things again. Then I would take random “Adventures”, sometimes by myself other times I would drag other people along. It wasn’t perfect mind you. I made the mistake of trusting a person I shouldn’t. That person hurt me the same way they had before. This time however I dealt with the hurt and moved on. I got to be with my BESTIE…. All of them!! Chassi and I spent a lot of time just talking like we used to (over the traditional fare of Hong Kong of course!). Shelbs and I pursued adventures and creations. BUT I have to say the person I was Surprised to see was one ETHAN!

It was completely spurred of the moment (but as I found out that’s when the best things happen!). I was about 8 hours of awesomeness, one adventure after another, with Chassi and Shelbs. The four of us together was just like old times except those time where hardly thought of. We where having too much time to just “Remember”, after a fair amount of visiting we were totally ready to have fun! We ate typical college kids foods and we went to watch the Super moon that took place that night. It was beautiful and very peaceful. But if I had to choose a moment from that night it was when we were driving and all the windows were rolled down. The music blared a song that I cant remember, my hair was down and flying around, I felt completely and absolutely free. I got to be the girls from the Ad (sorry roxy, the cloths didn’t make it happen).

I learned that I just needed to let go of my problems and give them to God. He’s got his own plans for me and they will be just as random as my adventures. That’s what I learned this spring break: To let Go. I can’t please everyone and I shouldn’t have to. I have to live my own life and If I will just let go I can. My realization was that I had tried my whole life to become this person that made everyone I felt like is important happy, came to full light. I can’t do it and I’m tired of trying. I think I am amazing the way I am quirky (like painting in the library or driving my friend’s truck), I think my natural curiosity is good. This whole be someone else has made me ignorant and complacent. I am no longer as well read and word knowing as I used to be. So to sum this up. I’m on the line…..still…..but I’m one inch close to the other side 