For the last few years of my life I have been a worrisome cautious person. I worry how this could work out and change the way I want them to go. I always fear the worst, I always fear to be the bad guy and that I will get hurt or rejected. It is because of this worry that I can at times be so cautious. I try to be a positive person, but at times I expect the worst from strangers passing me by on the street. I’m not paranoid but sometimes I fear of being hurt, I fear this cold world will just consume me. Then I remember God has a plan, that sometimes things are put into our lives for a reason. But just a mere hour ago I sat in Religion and my little “Cautious” philosophy became clearer and condemning. I was show that a person I viewed as quite frankly to be of an ugly personality. This person had never done anything to me, the only times we ever spoke was the occasional “Excuse me or Good morning”. But because of the way this person looked and their job I viewed them as a certain way. This is the time when you can shake your head and call me a mean child but I’m just being honest about my judgmental imperfection.
Today, however, that stranger became a living, breathing, feeling human being and a brother in my eyes. We’ve still never spoken, but there was a moment, which this person wasn’t even a part of when I realized that, this person felt near the same things I’ve felt, they have felt the joy and sadness in life. Right now they feel more sadness than anything else. I feel similar sadness, but not anywhere close as much as this person does, but one day I will. After I gave myself time to think about all this, I just felt so ashamed, I still feel that way. I’ve been so cautious and judgmental that I’ve written people off. And block myself from the blessing of knowing a brother or sister in Christ. Not to say I need to not be aware that there people that seek to hurt others in this world.
I was told quite literally a few days ago that this blog and its contents are contrite, redundant, and it seems that I’m always going through some conflict or another. I was told that the few that read this blog don’t get anything from it, other than the fact I am a selfish ignorant narcissist. I stayed silent whereas I usually have witty tagline. When they finished I simply look at them and explain that I once had this huge fear of death and just as everyone else feared being forgotten. I had said I didn’t want to leave this world without living my purpose that God intended for me, and that I just thought maybe this would encourage someone. That maybe someone out there in this world would look beyond my immense grammar mistakes and find themselves just as I do: not alone, very loved and constantly growing. I also explain that the exit button is in the top right corner. The truth dear reader is that I’m a young woman growing up. In some areas I’ve got a long way to go, in others I’m a lot closer. These days I feel as though I was taught certain things rather ignorantly, but that’s the thing about growing up, you learn. This was supposed to be a few lines but there’s just been a lot on my mind that I decided to unload a bit. I hope you have a great day, now if you’ll excuse me I have to go to my awesome job now then I think I’ll go to my hideaway and read up for my history paper. 
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